Surviving Randall Flagg: or WTF happens when you’re doped up on Alka Seltzer

Guess. WHAT!?!? At the later end of last week, I was one of the very few out of the millions of Americans in….America picked to be honored with the presence of the most wonderful sickness in your system a woman can get. I was honored to host Tonsilitis for five whole days!  Cheers were heard around the world, except by me, because I was lying in bed, suffering,  sleeping, fever–ing…if that’s a thing, and being spoiled by my husband and mother who insisted I wasn’t pathetic looking. They stopped lying to me once I shook my fever the second time. It was appreciated.  I did look pathetic. I hadn’t washed my curly hair in two days, and it was in a bun on the top of my head that eventually turned into a cone-looking thing. And they did not judge me…until it was morally accepted to do so.

In honor of hosting Tonsilitis, I want to share with you a few of my favorite things that I like to aid me while sick with anything. Usually, I’m a once-or-twice-a-year lady when it comes to getting sick, but this past winter and spring has presented me with a record six times of feeling beautiful sweet death upon my shoulders.  So I have found some things that are THE MOST comforting.  But these are for you to try while not hallucenating on cold medicine or not when you have a fever so high you feel like you’re having an out of body experience.  Because some of these are not tips to follow; like, for example, I know you’re probably not supposed to take hot showers, but they make my aching bones feel so good, like ramen noodles.  And my pets did not seem to judge me anymore than usual! So, I think we can call these safe.

Roseanne (1988-1997)


Before you get into the whole attitude of “I can’t stand her voice!”, let me give a great defense to this show and the creator of it–Roseanne Barr.  Growing up, this show was a lot to me, even though I didn’t appreciate the sarcastic adult jokes as much I do now that I’m grown.  This is the first, and really the last show I’ve seen in a while, that showed a real middle class family life. The struggle of making the electric bill, and having to watch your parents work several jobs to do it.  That was why a lot of the actors wanted to do the show in the first place.  And Roseanne gave a lot of great Hollywood Cinematic genius’ their first big break: George Clooney was a regular guest star in the complete first season, Amy Palledino (you may know her as the brilliant chick behind GILMORE GIRLS!!!!) wrote episodes for a season, Joss Whedon (you know who he is) was a part of the story line production for a season, and Judd Apatow got his first start behind the cameras on this show.  Roseanne is hilarious and becomes more and more relevant the more I watch it.  The show covered heavy topics that networks didn’t want to cover back in those days: women’s equality (You should watch the last episode of the first season and you’ll want to get up and cheer), girl’s getting their periods for the first time, parent shaming, the stereotypes put on individuals of lower classes as being ‘trashy’ and how the media portrays them, characters coming out on the show–and the reaction from the other characters are genuine, some not so genuine, and there are several conversations about race and white privilege.  All the while, you see a wise cracking, sassy, very sexual heavy set couple be in love and try to do their kids right.


The cast is brilliant, especially John Goodman, Laurie Metcalf, and Sara Gilbert.  It definitely has moments where its not afraid to make fun of itself, and it just adds the right ingredients to make you smile when you feel like the dirt on the floor.  You don’t have to acknowledge the nineth season, because Dan just can’t die!

Wet Hot American Summer (2001)


If you like slap stick, random, raunchy, witty, Independent belly laugh-out-loud comedies, then you should watch Wet Hot American Summer.  The entire film takes place in 1980 on the last day of summer camp, and the amount of ridiculousness that happens in the span of this one day is hilarious.  If you haven’t heard of it, well you’ll have a chance to hear plenty about the Netflix series Wet Hot American Summer  which is the same cast  that is supposed to take place on the first day of camp.When the film came out in 2001 it didn’t have much commercial success, but once it was released to dvd, BOOM! It became a cult classic! 


You have performances by Amy Poehler and Bradley Cooper before they really hit it big time, Elizabeth Banks, Paul Rudd, and Christopher Meloni (Yes, Detective Stabler as comedic gold) make some of their best ever performances in this film.  Michael Showalter is witty as the main character, but also wrote the screenplay, that is to say he is awesome AF and will continue to do so when the tv series busts out on Netflix. 

You’ll either chuckle or spit out your sprite/chicken noodle soup/gatorade/water/anything while watching this film!

Goodfellas (1990)


Why, you may ask? Well, other than this is also cinematic gold and the performances are brilliant, I realllllllyyyyyy save this movie for the angry day of the sick journey.  You know, when you’ve done everything in your power to rest and get well, and well it’s day three AND YOU’RE ACTUALLY GETTING WORSE!!!!????? I get so frustrated around this time because “I’m sick of sprite, I’m sick of soup, and believe it or not, I’m sick of sleeping!”  So, I tend to watch Goodfellas to channel that anger into a the story of Henry Hill and his life with the mob and eventually their turn on him…then he turns on them and then goes into witness protection.

 Really?  This was the movie that I fell in love with Ray Liotta and those big beautiful blue eyes. Although his character is so horrible to women that it makes me angry on sick angry day and I yell “I’m so mad at you, RAY! I can’t talk to you!” (Then I watch Corina, Corina and all is well with the world). Robert De Nero is just….ya know, Robert De Nero, he’s brilliant!

This was also the second movie where I realized that clowns are not that great.  In fact they’re evil terrifying things (The first movie was IT, it also came out in 1990.  Maybe this was a theme?) that should not be allowed to exist.


All around, it’s a good movie to watch, especially when you’re feeling a little wound up from being inside too much.  But the tension gets thicker as the movie goes and there is a lot of gore, so don’t watch if you’re a person who either doesn’t like these types of movies or you get sick really easily.  Maybe if you have like tonsillitis and you feel like you have thousands of pieces of broken glass in your throat!

The Stand: Stephen King


I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to continue to read on a book that begins with every one getting a little scratch in their throat on day one and by day three their in so much pain and they die! Then it spreads and kills everyone except for a chose few: the good who have to fight the evil Randall Flagg–a country, little anti-christ D-bag character trying to take over earth.  I don’t know WHY I thought it was a good idea to read this book! Because when you have taken so much alka seltzer cold and are suffering from the loopiness of fever, the people around you start to look like characters from this book. Poor, sweet Jeff took such good care of me, but after reading this book for a little while he was starting to look like Flagg himself…sweet talking me and making my suffering a little more comfortable just so he can take my sweet soul.

see what I mean?

I am reading this book currently, though, because it’s on my list of 30 books to read by the time I’m 30, which I’ll probably talk about later in the blog week.

So actually I don’t recommend you to read this book, particularly, but reading is very soothing during the time of sickness.

There you have it.  That’s what gets me through illness: laughter, terror, hullucentations, and plenty of water and sprite. Please share any ideas to help you stay sane while you’re not all together because of the loopiness of being sick!  Post in the comments below!


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